Showing posts with label minneapolis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label minneapolis. Show all posts

Thursday, June 13, 2002

Thoughts of a Kiwi in Minneapolis - on Hell

If I was suddenly brought before my maker and challenged to describe our last 36 months in a single word, it would most likely be 'purgatory'. It's the experience you have when trapped for an undefined period of time, in an indefinable place, contemplating your sins, going neither forward or back whilst your fate is decided - "you were good in your life Mr Dalton, but not THAT good ... ".

We are the Minneapolis undead.

Speaking of fire and brimstone, a Gallup poll in May 2002 reported that 71 % of Americans actually still believe in Hell (they'd no doubt account for a big fraction of the 100 million or so who also believe that the earth was formed less than 5,000 years ago). Yet, discussion of the concept in sermons has reached an all time low. According to religious authorities, Hell is just "too negative".

Right now I'm sitting in LAX waiting for a plane delayed 3 hours by the seasonal mid-west thunderstorms. We've been here on a sales trip and had a fair insight into what Hell looks like. Not red-hot pokers, bamboo shoots, and Val Doonigan on high rotation - just West Coast commuting. Two hours to travel 40km on the freeway last evening, most of it at near standstill speeds.

Thinking we would be home free this afternoon after the client meeting, we set off at 1 pm to find the return conditions almost identical but joyfully the journey only took 1 :45 instead. How do people maintain their sanity amidst such conditions? Oh that's right, they don't. They get their guns out and kill each other.

Midwest storms are something to be seen (and heard!).

The lightening is bright enough to read by, and the accompanying thunder can sound like it's in the room next door. Minnesota also gets its share of twisters, although nothing like the South. When a bad storm is progressing across the state, every tv channel overlays a storm warning and map of Minnesota over the program you are watching.

It's an attempt to emulate the multi-message format of many of the CNN-type news channels today. The record so far is 7 pieces of separate data on the one screen, with the talking head reduced to about 20% of the right hand side. You get stock quotes and headlines in 2 tickers across the bottom, the weather forecast, two other headlines for stories the head will talk about soon, and the main story from the talking head.

I guarantee that this will come to a tv screen near you. Soon.

Travel is a bit of an all round bastard in the US for a foreign passport holding person. Every checkpoint is a full search, and I now wear shoes without laces when traveling to speed things up a little. For travelers like me who often overnight, there is always a moment of special tension as the security staff don their gloves and rip open your bag in front of the queue at the Gate. DID I FOLD MY DIRTY UNDIES NICELY???!!!!!!

The economic storm also continues across our screens at some pace, the severity of the hangover reflecting the unprecedented length of the drunken binge that corporate America engaged in during the late 1990s. Lots of chest beating about where did the business ethics of this country go, and yearning for simpler times.

The records last less time than a week at the Olympic games - no sooner had Worldcom coughed up to $4b in mis-stated costs; Xerox admits to $6b in mis-stated income. These are blue-chip firms that most people's retirement funds are heavily invested in!

As the US dollar crashes and both the internal and external deficit reach record levels, there are no signs of either a business led recovery (Nasdaq reaching new lows this week) or a consumer side recovery (unemployment at new record high). Bugger. George's answer? Make more cars!

"Economists, heal thyselves!" I say. The singular obsession with 'shareholder value' (ie the price of stocks on the various exchanges) as the one true measure of business progress and value during the 1990s, and the insistence that executives take salary in the form of stock options to ensure they served the other 99% of shareholders interests, resulted in intense massaging of the major lever of share prices - multiples of revenue and profit.

To give you and idea of the scale of the rorting, in 1985 the average annual salary of a Fortune 50 Chief Executive was $900,000 plus up to $200,000 worth of stock in the company. By 2001 those figures had changed to an average salary of $2.9m with stock options of $8m.

Aided and abetted by the Arthur Andersens of the world, people went wild inventing schemes to pump up revenues (or hide expenses) and consequently the worth of their stock options. Be careful what you wish for Gordon Gekko! I'm with Warren Buffett - it took 8 years to get into this mess and it will take 8 years to get out.

The only solace is that two and a half years have already passed, and that Martha Bloody Stewart might get to spend time in sing-sing for insider trading her IMClone stock-holdings.

Handy hints for prison-wives perhaps?

"Stripes are in for 2002!" says www.marthastewartlivinginjail.com.

Thoughts of a Kiwi in Minneapolis - on Vacations

I actually had a Friday off recently to go to the world famous North Shore of Lake Superior and stay in the Lutsen resort. Lake Superior certainly is superior in size. My best basis for comparison would be Lake Taupo in New Zealand - and it lends us a useful measuring stick. At anyone time, from any vantage point on the shore of Lake Superior, from horizon to horizon you can view about 2% of the lake area.

You can view about 80% of Taupo at one time using the same rule.

I use the term 'resort' loosely - imagine a cross between the Merimbula Beach Motel (Lonely Planet Accommodation Guide review "mostly harmless") and a poorly kept Cobb and Co restaurant. Resort? Last resort perhaps.

We did have a good time with friends (yes, we made some at last thanks to Noah and Lesley!) and engaged in ski-lift mountain biking. The nearby ski-field opens up in summer with some of the chair-lifts converted to bike carriers - 10 minutes up and 4 down. Spectacular, even if the 'mountain' is about the size of Mount Victoria in Wellington.

Funnily enough our friends are largely foreigners, and their tales of dealing with the Minnesota way of life are as hilarious as our own. A Scandinavian couple arrived in March last year wearing summer clothes, having scoped in an Atlas that Minneapolis was about the same latitude as France just North of Bordeaux. There was 20 inches of snow on the ground.

Clearly some geography in their medical and dental training would have been useful - a climatic map of the world illustrates that the urban center with a climate closest to Minneapolis is in fact Moscow.

We are off to Colorado for the 4th of July weekend. Not much chance of fireworks there I suspect, but once again the mountain biking should be spectacular. Colorado is reeling NOT from the economic effects of the recent forest fires, but from the economic effects of the forest fires being sensationally over- reported on every tv channel news program for the last month.

Less than 1 % of the total area of state forest has been affected (which in turn is a tiny percentage of the whole state), and significantly more area burned in Sydney over summer than has been affected in the entire state of Colorado. Meantime tourists have been ringing to ask if the Denver airport is still open given that the whole city has been burned down ...

US travel is still badly affected by 9/11 (the shorthand for September 11, 2001) and the recession to the point of it being a dying industry. Imagine what 500 Boeing 737's look like lined up on a shiny windless desert plain and you get the idea of the reduction in planes in the air since 2001 (and whole airlines in some cases). In some cases airlines have moved back to older, smaller aircraft and cheaper pilots in desperate attempts to get the economics of a full plane. An older Northwest small plane recently lost its landing gear at Minneapolis airport as it came in to land, causing further ructions among fliers.

I was told a lovely tale by a fellow traveller (wonder if the FBI keyword filtering picks that phrase up when this gets screened in Washington?) about hard landings. Its probably an urban legend but a good one just the same!

The story goes that a pilot has ka-thunked his plane onto the runway so hard that luggage spills from the racks, cabin crew are heard to shriek and passengers are all left rubbing their rosary beads. As the last travelers trudge past the pilot and chief steward at the exit door, a little old lady who has observed that no-one has dared give any feedback, stops to speak to the pilot.

"So, did you land this plane tonight sonny?"

As the pilot opens his mouth to offer a sweet reply, he is swiftly cut off by the little old lady ...

..."or were we shot down??"

Thoughts of a Kiwi in Minneapolis - on Government

So what is the toughest job in this country do you think? President? Head of the Fed? Mayor of New York? Perhaps one of those $5 an hour Mall service workers?

My conclusion would be 'satirist'.

How can someone hope to make a living through sarcasm and hyperbole poking Ajax at everyday events when for a fact 211 out of the 241 Congressional representatives investigating Enron and Arthur Andersen received campaign contributions from both Enron and AA? When within 12 months of having a republican President we had both a recession and a war? When within 24 months the federal government has actually run out of money and the phrase "read my lips, no new taxes" has come back to haunt Bush junior as well?

Among the current flurries is the news that the entire American rail system run by Amtrak is bankrupt and in need of an immediate float of $200m to pay the wages this week. Someone forgot to read their credit agreements and with $4b currently borrowed the private sector has cried "enough!" The $220m is almost enough to get them through to the next round of federal handouts when another billion will be needed to keep these people in jobs. The only profitable line in the whole country runs from New York to Washington DC.

Go figure.

Joking about 9/11 is still very taboo. The country remains on high alert, expecting terrorist action at any time. Flights for the 4th of July weekend are at record lows, and recently our entire 50 story building was evacuated when a cardboard box was found leaning against a lamp post outside.

American politics overall is not much humorous relief for anyone. Bush has established another all-time US governmental record, this time in the environmental field. In a mere 9 months he has managed to undo over 15 years of glacial improvement in the chance the next generations might inherit a cleaner, greener world. Drilling in Alaska, dumping in rivers (no permit now required at all), draining of wetlands, lowering of emission standards for industry, vetoing the Kyoto agreement (good on ya Aussies for standing right behind George Bush and rejecting it as well! Ya wankers!) and car emissions. If its green, its holding back the economic recovery.

Harpers magazine, a fine source of counterpoint to the Bush-brigade reported a couple of interesting calculations - if every US flag that had been attached to the aerial of an SUV since September 11 was removed, the resulting saving in petrol would mean the Alaskan oil field could be happily left as wilderness (a fluttering flag reduces fuel economy by about 0.5%).

Alternatively, if every SUV in California returned 1-mpg better fuel economy, the effect would be doubled. Fat chance.

Making my own living has been a little easier lately - the company has started to mature a little with the addition of a sales team, a real Chief Operating Officer (complete with Ivy League MBA) and a 7-figure bank balance. My role still seems to revolve around advancing corporate Darwinian theories and weeding out the weak in the herd. Weekends are more frequent, and hours are shorter.

Our good friend Ivan has recently become visa'd and employed by a local construction firm as project manager and site construction supervisor. He is suffering a whole new level of culture shock hanging out with real mid-west blokes on a building site. They are very wary of someone from as far away as Australia, and he was treated to warm and hospitable questioning such as "so, is your wife a bit of a looker Ivan?" Fortunately she is. And a good cook too mate.

When they need a plumber or electrician for the project, guess what you do in Minnesota? Call the Union office and they allocate someone to your job. Ah yes, the free market.

Thoughts of a Kiwi in Minneapolis - on Minnesota

A few surprising things have come out of Minnesota in their time, including of course our favourite movie-making brothers the Coens. Here's a "who would have guessed?" list for your entertainment:

1. Bob Dylan
2. Terry Gilliam
3. Prince
4. Kevin Sorbo (Hercules to you)
5. F. Scott Fitzgerald
6. Judy Garland (speaking of irony, Toto)
7. Charles Lindbergh
8. Peter Graves, the guy from Mission Impossible
9. Peter Krause, the guy on 6 Feet Under who plays Nate
10. The man who invented the Pop-up toaster, whose name has slipped my mind

So what is day to day life like in the only US State where Mother Nature actually has a serious attempt to kill you twice a year?

Shopping in MN is now reduced to dragging ourselves to one of the nearby cookie-cutter Malls and getting things as quickly as possible. Grocery shopping is amazing - in one supermarket we don't even enter S of the 11 aisles. Eight whole aisles of crap that we don't eat or consume 1 item from, or even feel the need to look at any more - 45 varieties of cheese balls, Cola, beef jerky and jello. Woo hoo.

Minneapolis is a series of cookie cutter settlements, each centered on such a cookie cutter Mall. The Mall contains a supermarket, a Kinkos, a Starbucks, the Gap, Home Depot, a Walgreens drug store, and 9 or 10 other franchised stores that are repeated in each location. Variety is supplied by an occasional Barnes and Noble or Petsmart, which can't afford to be in every location.

The American small business dream is quite different to the rest of the world, where a person would be happy to create a successful cafe, bakery, retail store or boutique in a good location, then generate a great customer base and enough money to not have to work every Saturday.

In the USA, if you came up with that lucky combination of product, service and style your first thought would be "franchise". How can I repeat this exact recipe across the entire nation and thereby bleed it dry of the very essence that made it a desirable place to go and spend time and money in the first place?

Lesley concludes that it is all part of the dumbing down of a nation of people who might otherwise be tempted to vote Democratic at the next presidential election. The American populace cannot decode the complex signals that we receive as seasoned shoppers in high streets and small towns where under 'normal' circumstances no two shops are the same or offer the same merchandise. How do you know if this is good? How do you know where the khaki slacks are? How do you know if there is a pickle on the Burger? Its all far too messy to have to go in, explore and find out for yourself. You need a sign, a symbol - be it a big M, a big GAP, or a big Starbuck.

So sadly, franchises thrive in a nation where sameness and familiarity are craved. Inevitably the recipe that created the first success is never repeated by a franchisee no matter how closely they follow the franchisee manual or attend uplifting weekend seminars on making your franchise a success.

I am convinced franchisification is one of the first signs of the decline of civilization as we know it. Americans must have a truly awful time in Rome, London and Paris looking for the Malls. I fear the day someone decides to re-name San Francisco 'San Franchisco' - I wonder what a Franchiscan monk would look like? They could easily maintain a vow of silence as they cruise by the Mall in their Buick looking for a sign from God.

We have finally tracked down a gourmet luxury that we heard of a few months ago. Its horrendously expensive and only sold at the most mother-earth of co-operative type markets, packaged in a re-useable glass container that you return to the store for $1.50 credit. What is it? Grass fed cow's milk. Pure, unadulterated, unhomogenised, cream-floats-to-the-top bliss.

What will they think of next?

Thoughts of a Kiwi in Minneapolis - on Civilisation

The triumph of style over substance in this country is complete - from presidents right on down. As I have observed before, every coffee store in town has 57 variations on the menu but the crap you get served is just like the crap the last person collected. A lot to do with paying $5 an hour to barista-monkeys methinks, but also something to do with America's penchant for reducing everything to the lowest common denominator, which in Starbucks case is a milky, burnt flavored bitter bucket of poop with a cherry on top.

I read recently an analysis of how the so-called ascent of US civilization and the transition of the economy away from dependency on dirty old manufacturing (let the third world do the dirty work!) to an 80% service economy has actually reduced the real average wage and standard of living.

A warning to other 'civilized' economies thinking that a 'knowledge' economy or service economy sounds sexier than making stuff - be prepared to live in a world where most of the service you receive will be from people who don't like giving it, have another job besides, are paid a less than subsistence wage to do it and would have been happier on an assembly line or on a farm. You never had to tell a Dodge bumper bar or a cow's arse to have a nice day like the franchise manual dictates.

But, we are not especially unhappy with our lot. Our trip back to NZ earlier in the year was an inverse oasis of substance over style for a start. Like walking into the Lord of the Rings for a month. Since we've been back, NZ has been regularly featured on television as the new vogue holiday destination (obviously someone decent in charge of tourism in NZ these days). We watched and re-watched the multisport Eco-Challenge race set in gorgeous Wanaka and surrounding mountains. The channel featuring it ran it twice a day, every day for a week - it was the talk of every office water fountain in town.

Apart from continuing the impression that the NZ landscape somehow genetically builds a race of superhuman athletes who can run and cycle for 5 days without sleep (well almost, bad luck Nathan F.), the program also brought us some fine ironic humour which had us rolling on the floor every viewing. One of the teams featured in the documentary was a Russian team (the first Russian team ever). The leader spoke with a thick accent and with highly entertaining Rusglish. No voice over or sub-titles

required however. Then they interviewed the evergreen Cathy Lynch. Her accent was deemed to be so incomprehensible to Americans, she received sub-titles, interspersed with every 10 words. Native speakers could easily work out that the horse was not a 'buckin' mongrel.

Ironically the great American way nearly prevented our January trip before we even left the ground - payment for the tickets was demanded (from Discount Dan the travel man) at very short notice so Lesley took the option of using the Internet payment option on our Wells Fargo bank account.

When the travel agent rang 5 days later to ask where the money was, imagine our astonishment to discover when ringing the bank that the web payment process merely generated a memo in someone's (paper) in-tray from w'hich they hand-wrote a bank cheque and posted it to the payee. Allow 7-10 days for the service thank you.

Wells Fargo was recently awarded the 'Leading Online Bank in the USA' title by industry analysts.

Our reflection on life in the Antipodes was just how easy everything was to do, and consequently how relaxed people are. The USA teaches you to grit your teeth and prepare for battle, whether its standing in line for lunch, going to the bank, answering the phone to the army of telemarketing arks who want to sell you life insurance, or driving on the Freeways amidst the stream of flag waving 80 mph Detroit behemoths (who said dinosaurs were extinct by the way?). Everything has a bit of 'grrrrrrr' in it.

We've definitely become pushier, more aggressive, and more vocal - is it possible we are actually becoming American? Not quite, but the starkness of the cultural contrast that we so critically observed when we arrived has faded a little. Life in Minnesota can suck the funny out of just about anything, and I fear we have become a little bit immune to the inanity of it all.

Sunday, November 11, 2001

September 2001: Minneapolis

Living in the New America

The week of the 11th of September dragged like no other working week I have known. Arriving at work tardier than usual on Tuesday (having indulged in a little extra time with the ever blossoming Noah), I found phones ringing at empty desks and 30 people standing around the big screen television. A reality tv show to end all reality tv shows.

Each person was having their own individual experience of what was on screen - some only able to relate the scenes of planes crashing into skyscrapers to Schwarzeneger disaster movies; others, with a few extra years on their side remembering wars of the past and images of Vietnam and even London in the blitz; most contemplation being done in silence. But wait there's more - people plummeting like dolls from the upper levels. Eyes are covered - why would they possibly jump? Surely that's enough destruction for one movie - people grip the office partitions to make it all stop.

At 10 o'clock the phones ceased. A nation had just watched the impossible happen on their front doorstep. A nation that was delighting in reading about George Bush's revitalisation of the trillion dollar 'Star Wars' protective space umbrella project that would safeguard their infinite individual freedoms infinitely against terror and opponents of the American Way. Beaten by $3 Stanley knives.

By lunchtime Tuesday, most Americans had retreated to the security of their homes to watch the minute by minute unfolding of the nation's entry into a world where people die for the crime of being a citizen, believing in certain truths or voting the wrong way. As antipodeans running a business in a foreign country, we had to be sensitive to the tears and wide-eyed looks of uncertainty and send everyone home. Our tower block made business closure voluntary - with the Minnesota Government Center on one side, American Express HQ on another and the State Police HQ on the third it seemed prudent.

In my own naiive world I have to admit my first reaction to the footage was to wonder how someone had possibly stolen four empty airliners? It dawned on me by the fiftieth re-run that the planes were far from empty. It dawns on me now that I have flown on most of the flights and airlines that were hijacked that morning.

The fingers immediately began to be pointed at the Middle East. People rapidly forget that the last example of this kind of terror was perpetrated by a white American man, a US Army veteran who only a month earlier had been injected with a lethal dose of chemicals for killing hundreds of people in the bombing of a Government Building in Oklahoma.

Staff on their way home, waiting for the elevator to arrive at Level 35 mumble to each other, "what did America ever do to them to deserve this...?"

The CNN Nation is not generally alert to the other side of any story. With round the clock heart-stopping live action in 20 second sound and picture bites, how can you stop to analyze? Ask 50 people to describe the same scene or their feelings sure, but don't analyze. Coming from a country where radio announcers could take 40 minutes of prime breakfast radio to analyze the socio-economic impact of beer tax rising 2 cents a litre, it can be a little frustrating.

As the skyscraper implosions finally began to slow, hours of stories emerged to be told around individual tragedy, heroism and loss. The film is riveting, and as days go by the tourist video sold to the highest bidding media revealed even more shocking views of the events. You can all but see the plane emerge from the other side of that building.

Tuesday evening's viewing was a true-life drama scripted around saving the people who were trapped in the wreckage of the buildings. No-one knows how exactly how many were in the towers when they were hit, let alone when they fell 110 floors to self-destruction. The picture is painted of firefighters and construction workers tearing away at the 30 foot mountain of rubble in search of survivors. But not BUILDING survivors, as the nation was led to believe and hope for. These pictures were from 3 blocks back looking for survivors among the fire engines and ambulances that rushed to the scene that morning.

Three weeks later, the mountain of rubble at the true 'ground zero' is still 10 stories high, on fire and collapsing steadily.

It is hard to grasp the scale of skyscrapers like the Twin Towers. Each floor is an acre, stretching a city block each way. With much of that space taken up by dozens of elevators and the central skeletal structure, it still leaves room for over 250 people per level. Our US Bank building, the largest in Minneapolis houses around a 120 people per floor and rises less than half the height of the World Trade Center. When I worked in New Zealand, the black glass BNZ tower was a skyscraper, rising to less than a quarter the height and a fraction of the girth. Fifty thousand people work within 2 acres of flat land in Manhattan.

So what did America do to deserve this? On Wednesday September 12th my day was spent sitting with shocked staff members and starting to probe their anger at 'the moslems' for bringing a war that should rightly be fought on CNN in faraway fields, onto hallowed US territory. After Pearl Harbor, this is quoted as the first large scale incident of aggression on US soil in history. Damn the PLO-Taliban-islamites, we should kick their asses immediately by razing every shopping mall, skyscraper and financial center in Afghanistan.

My point, that there really aren't any skyscrapers in Afghanistan is beyond imagination. It isn't just your SUV and vacation-in-Florida lifestyle these people are bombing you for dammit. What did we ever do to them? Well, try $5b a year aid to Israel, much of which comes in the form of weaponry like the Black Hawk helicopters to keep the Palestinian problem under 'control'. Try the seven sisters of the oil industry in the 20th century, and their countless offspring in the decades since. An airliner shot from the sky over the middle east in a US training exercise error. Clandestine suport for wars and counter-wars to numerous to recall. All too much detail. I would get less blank looks concocting a story that because the Taliban live in the desert, they need to steal a really large number of Chevy Suburbans to get around, and since America has the most trucks...

More than once I am moved to wonder if this could actually be the most audacious Israeli plot yet? Or a Waco white supremacy act of madness? The Twin Towers are such an obvious symbol of money and power that even the psychotic teenagers who conducted the Columbine High School massacre last year figured them to be the ultimate target - their deranged diaries listed their ultimate plan as escaping the school grounds, hijacking a 747, flying across country and crashing into the North Tower.

One of the fundamental lessons in my life has been to understand and accept the existence of different 'world-views' (aka values, perspectives, ways of life, life-rules, philosophies, gestalts, methodologies, whatever word takes your fancy). Call it a benefit of a liberal arts education that pushed hard to make me understand that two people could see the same thing differently. That a fact was not a universal fact. Equally, that one world view might not be automatically superior to another. As a lesson it has served me well in working with different cultures and solving problems - more often working with people apparently from the same culture but with vastly different income levels.

America is a country with a world view so singular, dominant and indoctrinated that it is impossible for Americans to understand an act where a foreign soldier willingly suicides in an act of terrorism to better the state of the collective and become closer to god. Impossible to think through and explain why millions of people would refer to this nation as 'the great Satan'. The American dream of capitalism and individual freedom crosses cultural and economic boundaries like no other country I have visited - the US fundamentalist extremists don't even represent competing world views, they represent variations of the mainstream US world view. Think Ku Klux Klan and Timothy McVeigh. Think religious leaders claiming on TV that God allowed the September 11th disaster to occur because bible study was no longer compulsory in schools.

The closest they come to analysis is to identify the hijacking perpetrators as being psychologically disturbed madmen. The facts unfortunately fly in the face of this assumption - it is painfully apparent that these people passed themelves off as sane to universities, flight school instructors and landlords. A nation that cannot think through these complex issues is reduced to solving its problems in very simple ways. Perhaps nuking the bastards then administering Prozac to the world's less co-operative nations is the long term answer.

On a scale that stretches between complete freedom of the individual to complete devotion to the collective, the US certainly flies the flag for parties at the freedom end. A nation that values individual rights to the extent that drink-drive murderers escape punishment day after day as they have the right to an attorney being present before a blood sample is drawn (and said attorney has no time limit to get there), will never understand why a global collective based on politics and faith would organize to take on the world's superpower. Freedom includes the right to be free of having to think too hard about things.

There is little grasp of the rise of marginalised interest groups and religious fundamentalism as a major issue for the world to consider. First world and third world are apparently just finishing positions in the global human race, and the US already got the gold medal. The prize for being first was an island a long way from the rabble of the middle (and not so middle) east and minimal chance of invasion. I mean, the Japanese only got as close as Pearl Harbor and then we whipped their butts in the movie.

We are living in a country where the current president had been overseas once in his lifetime prior to election, and was quite proud of the fact. If you have 'travel' as an interest listed on your resume, it probably means you watch the Discovery Channel on tv. Terrorism is new here, but London has been without rubbish bins in the central city for years.

The terrorists were certainly well organized. Just when my Minnesotan colleagues began to comfort each other with "they'd never bother coming to Minneapolis", it was revealed that one of the pilots trained and lived in Saint Paul. Some of the terrorists have been in the USA for 10 years, and hardly fit the profile of fanatical suicide bomber with a truck load of TNT. At least 200 people have been identified as being involved in this current event - America has dubbed it 'The New War' but in reality its a very old war that has just moved to a new battlefield. That battlefield is slap bang in the middle of a nation that prefers the away games.

September the 11th has brought a new reality to the United States. First, this war is far from over, and it will not only be fought in the deserts of the middle east. There are acts of terrorism that can be perpetrated without the drama of hijacking planes and crashing them into capitalist icons. Poisoning, chemical warfare, a second hand nuclear device in the back of an SUV... Second, the timing of events has seriously exacerbated the existing fragility of the US economy, where consumers have been notoriously difficult to coax out of their shells into back to the Mall to spend their money (we are now down to 3% interest rates with no sign of behavioral change - how low does 'Greenspansan' have to go?).

The coincidence of the new Spielberg hit-tv series 'Band of Brothers' based on the D-Day invasion premiering 2 days before the Manhattan disaster is almost too much to bear. The US is going to be dragged back into arenas of war where loss of life is a fact of the job, not demerit points on the performance management report of a 4 Star General watching it unfold on the internet. Declaring war on global terror is a fairly tall order.

So as a resident alien it has become quite eerie to be in the USA at this time. The overwhelming urge is to flee the country. To where? To Europe, where a jet fighter can reach Rome from a base in Libya in 3 minutes? Where each country has an ongoing battle with their own fundamentalist faction using terrorist tactics to promote their aims - be it Spain, Macedonia, Belfast, London, Paris, Bosnia, Turkey, Italy, Sardinia, the Baltic states, or Germany with its neo-nazi revival. Not to mention coping with the refugees from everyone else's battles who bring among them peoples of many different beliefs and politics.

The bottom of the world, the places we refer to as home when asked by the inevitable American curiosity of someone who's 'not from around here', seem at face value fairly attractive and safe. They are hardly immune from the world's troubles however, as CNN and internet web sites in your face 24 x 7 would be there to remind you of what terror lay beyond the horizon. The problems of extremist behaviour in countries like South East Asia and the Pacific (let's not forget East Timor or Fiji) are not to be ignored either. Just how many soldiers are in the Indonesian Army?

Whilst our everyday lives are largely unnaffected by the crisis, getting around America will be a nightmare for the rest of the year. Coupled with my CEO's experience of seeing a pistol pulled by an angry passenger during a flight from SF to NY in December last year (resulting in an ear popping descent to Lincoln Nebraska, a major arrest drama but not a column centimetre of media anywhere as it apparently happens at least once a day!), I'm less keen than I was. Hijacking no longer means money, a getaway car and enough avgas to get the plane to Libya - it means you are buggered and have a date with a part of the US military-industrial complex. I take some heart from the fact El Al fly at all, and will happily pay more for a ticket to upgrade the $6 an hour labor currently staffing the security screening at 98% of US airports.

Having flown this week to Virginia, it reminded me of traveling 15 years ago when there were no e-tickets and gate-lounge check-ins. Two hours queuing to get a seat allocation and through bag and body search is just a fact of life. The sign at the metal detector gate at Norfolk airport (a major center for the US Navy) said it all - No knives, No Weapons, No Mace, No Jokes. For each of the first three it had been easy for the airport sign-maker to think of a symbol to contain in the obligatory circle with a slash through it, the international sign of 'not'. Clearly there is no international symbol for humor, as the last circle remained blank.

Attack and counter-attack will no doubt curtail a few other freedoms, and bring about some heavy debates about citizen's constitutional right to bear arms. A society obsessed with individual freedom may go to some extreme lengths to protect the freedom of some individuals over others - it is not beyond the realm that anyone of apparently middle eastern extraction will be rounded up and put in camps for the duration. Crazy? Ask the Japanese Americans who spent WW2 in confinement on US soil. Given the CIA's record of helping people disappear in South America in the last 30 years, so local practice is not out of the question.

For Lesley, Noah and I (who puff ourselves up with some kind of false pride at what 'global citizens' we are - for goodness sake we live in the international equivalent of Palmerston North!) it has all been a sobering reminder of how fragile that globe can be. I look at Noah and consider the emotions my parents must have felt at my birth in 1963 - a president assassinated, the threat of nuclear war, the Bay of Pigs, the Arab-Israeli crises and the emergence of Vietnam. I also consider my younger brother's generation who were born into the seemingly hopeless issues of environmental disaster, escalating nuclear tension, wars like the Afghanistan invasion by Russia and the IRA campaigns in London. No generation has been without these issues.

A lot of Minnesota people have hatched plans for escaping to Canada should gas attacks or biological warfare break out. In my opinion they are underestimating the difficulty of scaling up to 'top-dress' America (although crop-dusting, as they call it here, has been banned for 2 weeks now). Water supplies are diverse and closely monitored. CNN obsesses if there is an abnormal rate of ingrown toenails let alone Smallpox or Anthrax epidemics. Thus, for all its shortcomings, I am comforted by the astonishing resources that this nation can bring to bear on its problems, by the vast scale of both the geography and the economy, and by the way the people can collaborate and organize under siege. We'll stay put for now.

On a pragmatic front, our city location in Minneapolis does feel a little perilous - we are flanked by the Fed, the US Postal Service, the Minneapolis Police Station and the business district. With the humor that only an Anzac can bring to the tragedy of war, a couple of us are wondering if the nearby Target superstore might like to consider changing its logo in the near future.

Friday, March 30, 2001

March 2001: Minneapolis

Seize the Day Job

Plans can change very quickly it seems. One minute we were in Long Island attempting the triple whammy of opening a branch of the business, signing up a house lease, and buying a Volkswagen with no American credit history (a near impossibility here, the conversation steering quickly to “ah, so I see you have the first born on the way then…”) then suddenly we are setting ourselves up in the frozen state of Minnesota, home of the coldest capital city in the United States. Proudly beating Alaska for the title.

The ‘deal’ that was to take ePredix from California to Long Island, New York came to a sudden impasse forcing a retreat North to the company’s main office. When Nigel took this job one year ago this week, who would have foreseen that we would now be sitting in an apartment on the 16th floor overlooking the ice encrusted upper reaches of the Mississippi? As it turns out, with hindsight of two weeks it is not a bad place to be.

We didn’t so much as leave San Francisco, as just forget to go back. A perfectly scheduled trans-continental round trip devolved into the usual crisis du jour and here we all are. Not quite all either – Marmalade the cat is not due for another week or so. At work we have consolidated our acquisitions into a beautiful (ex Lloyds Bank subsidiary that didn’t survive a Nasdaq in the 1900’s) 35th floor tower block for $9/ square foot, around 1/8 of the price of something similar in SF even after the crash.



We have come to a very bad example of winter we are told. A spell of 120 days below 40F° (5C°) has just been broken in the last few days, whereas last year there was only 20 consecutive days that cold. When we arrived two weeks ago it was -20F° (-30C°), too cold to snow as the air is incredibly dry and there is no cloud cover to keep and heat in.

Now we are in March, a big month for snow as the temperatures gets up to around freezing point. Twelve inches of white powder yesterday and six inches of grit and salt flavoured slushie today in a balmy 34F° (2C°). It’s amazing how warm that suddenly feels.

The day we moved in to RiverWest apartments it was Zero degrees. Our Australian neighbour turned up in shorts to lift and carry, and the rest of us had t-shirts on. We were pleased to be re-acquainted with all of our possessions, and even more delighted when the truck driver gave us $100 at the end of the morning for helping. Never in 11 years of delivering furniture in the USA had the people who owned the furniture lifted a finger to help him. Another tiny insight into two cultures separated by a common language.

Weather Obsession

Everyone here is obsessed with weather as it is a survival issue. People die going outside for a walk. Going out in the car means being equipped with a survival pack of thermal blankets, food and water and shovels to dig yourself out in case of a breakdown. The TV has a dedicated 24-hour local weather station and our car radio has a dedicated weather broadcast button (so that’s what the ‘WB’ button is for!).

Fahrenheit, we’ve decided, must have been someone’s ploy to distract the proletariat of an eastern bloc country in the 1950’s from the monotonous tractor factory travails. It’s a whole conversation in itself just figuring out how damn cold it is. It makes the Celsius scale look like a work of staggering genius (well, make boiling point 100 and then freezing zero, and anything below that is damned cold…).

The roads, although well groomed, are lethal in the late afternoons as any snow that has melted in the middle of the day turns to ice. It took as about two minutes on the I-394 highway to decide that a 4 wheel drive was the only car for us, hence we have a leased Subaru Outback down in the (heated) garage. Motorized luge could be a new event in Salt Lake next year. The general conditions plus the grit and salt used on the roads to keep them negotiable don’t do much for the longevity of vehicles. Many look like Nanna’s doilies with the accumulated rust of only a few seasons.

A Minnesota car is especially built. Apart from the WB button on the radio, there are heated windscreen wiper blades (to stop them freezing to the glass); heated windscreen spray nozzles; no aerial (they break off under snow chunks that fly off the roof after a storm); heated seats (two settings including sizzle); heated mirrors; heated engine block; snow tyres; 1500 mile service intervals due to oil breakdown in the cold; larger petrol tanks to reduce stops at gas stations that resemble McMurdo Station in Antarctica; along with a myriad of places to store supplies for when you get snowed in.

The roads are interesting once the snow clears a bit – no dividing lines are left visible from the constant grit slushie they endure. Driving can be a bit un-nerving when the left lane is half covered with a blackened snow mountain and the remaining lanes are without lines or a centerline. Is this 3 lanes North and one South, or 2 lanes each way? Just exactly where is the line to stop at this intersection?

Still, all that aside, once you have got over the fact that it is really really cold outside for a good part of the year it so far seems a pretty good city. It is well built for the conditions. Driving around the place looks completely deserted. In the central city there are no shop frontages as all retail begins one floor up in the Skyway that runs through all the major downtown buildings including where Nigel works. It’s like a giant 4 ½ mile hamster tunnel criss-crossing the city. We live about a block away from the Skyway so it’s a matter of piling on coats enough for a short dash then we’re all cosy and having to carry all our gear for the rest of the outing.

Left My Debt in San Francisco

There’s plenty of challenging outdoor activities to be had. Nigel has been out cross-country skiing for the first time. Friends went out dog sledding this weekend and there is ice-skating, snowboarding, snowshoeing and all manner of frosty pastimes. All these things Lesley will be saving for next winter, as at 30 weeks pregnant crossing an icy street seems adventure enough.

Still, spring is on it’s way and by all accounts summers are splendid here - ignoring the fact that the 12,000 lakes that make the state beautiful are responsible for breeding mosquitos that have earned the crown of ‘official state bird’.

The cultural diversity of California is not apparent here. The population seems to be dominated by fair-haired pale people, Nordic stock I guess. For some reason there is the anomaly of a sizable Nigerian population. What attracts them here I have yet to ascertain. In general our experiences so far show people here to be very friendly and genuine, a reprieve after a year of self obsessed Californians.

People are just so nice. Even the intimidating ‘homies’ hanging out at the mall with their Tommy Hilfiger jeans worn with the in-pant anti-gravity generator, big puffa jackets and LL Cool J beanies open doors for Lesley and ask her when the baby is due, is it a boy or a girl, where are we from?

We wonder sometimes what to spend the surplus cash on – we have an apartment twice the size of our garret in SF, completely redecorated and newly furnished, a new car and still enough money left over to begin the offspring’s college fund before we even get up to what rent cost on the Left Coast.

The Columns of Porsches (CPI) Index

As I tracked (some might say caused) the rise and fall of the Silicon Empire in San Francisco, I devised a new state of the economy index. When we first arrived in SF, the Chronicle on Saturday had less than half a column of Porsches for sale in the classifieds. Old 1970s rust buckets, a few 1980s viagra-powered muscle cars with too many miles on the clock and no sign of the German holy grail – a 1996 Targa S. Times were too, too good.

As the new economic world fell apart, the classified columns grew. By mid-year, the slim pickings on the CPI had exploded to include a few 1990s models coming back from failed CEO leaseholders at www.justanothertotallyuselessdeliveryservice.com, accompanied by a sprinkling of ‘really must sell’ notices from the Valley.

By January 2001, the CPI had reached 4 full columns, with at least two inches of 1996 Targa S models to be had in black, white, silver, or blue, with low miles, a free service, a car cover and full references (both personal and mechanical).

Immediately upon arriving in Minneapolis I bought the local Saturday paper and scanned for the classifieds. O for Oldsmobile, P for Pontiac, and then straight to S for Saturn. Not a single heavenly glass roofed curvaceous boxer-engined body in between. With a ‘thank god the debate is over whether a child seat could be shoehorned into a 911’smile on her face, Lesley pointed out that with 4 columns of second-hand snowmobiles for sale it was unlikely they had room in that edition.

All kinds of Implements

As a farm boy from way back, there’s a lot of comfort in picking up the local paper on Sunday and having 3 or 4 inserts for bargains on tractor tyres and animal medicines crash among the lattes. A town with Monster Trucks every month, Supercross each season under the giant dome of the indoor stadium, RV shows and a big Agricultural expo has got to be a place I want to live.

We bought a map book of Minnesota last week (249 pages of blanks and 1 city) and ventured North to see the sights. I swear when they were thinking up state mottos that ‘She’s pretty flat, mostly’ would have been a finalist. The book reputes to have contour lines drawn on at 60 foot intervals – I challenge anyone to find even one! There are things you can do here that cannot be dreamed of where I grew up. Imagine driving your car onto Lake Taupo in winter and doing donuts to your heart’s content for example. Or driving right to the middle to drill a hole and go fishing through 4 feet of ice.

Preparations are well under way for the arrival of the American in our family. We bought the stroller (push-chair to our antipodean friends), borrowed the bed thingy and have started the clothing collection. It seems amazing that it is so hard to enter this country on a Visa yet the mere act of being born here entitles you to citizenship and a passport. Mind you, he will have to live down explaining to his friends why his birth certificate says ‘Minnesota’.